Absoloutly Unbearable

hello, and once again its late at night and im quite tierd.
12.41 AM to be exact.
I really have nothing to do, i dont feel like sleeping. I hate these nights. But anyway i thought i would tell you all about the absoloute boring day i had. First i woke up because my dog, Jess, was barking at my window wanting to come inside. That is becoming a habit. Ah gosh i do love her with all my heart though. If she dies (wich she will soon because shes 10) i dont know what will become of me. Anyway at 1.30-3.00 i went to singing lessons. It was my last lesson for the year so that was great, i got a candy cane and all that jazz. Yes and then i went home and sat around doing... nothing. It was shit boring. And now i dont feel like sleeping what so ever.

Oh and i forgot to mention, throughout this day of nothingness i didnt get to talk to Jezza at all. I really miss him and i am so worried about him. We were talking on msn 2 days ago n he seemed a tad angry or upset about something. Anyway this is the basic outline of the part wich i am telling you about.

Kirsty : Are you ok jezz. you seem upset.
Jezza : Well no im not.
Kirsty : You know you can trust me with this stuff. you told me about things you said you never told anyone about before.
Jezza : well no offence but im not going to tell someone tht ive only known for two weeks. i really dont know why i told you that stuff.

yess he has never ever been like that before. he was so moody and pissed off i have no idea what about but later on he said hes 'angry at himself ' for god knows what. I was so scared i had done something to bother him. anyway yesterday he apologised and said that he was just having a bad day, i was kindof greatfull that he didnt resort to suicide because there has been some talk of that lately. I really dont know what to do with him. I like him more everyday but im not even sure if he sees me as a girlfriend at all. Im pretty sure he sees me more as a shoulder to cry on. Although im always there if he needs me but i just wish he would see me as a whole lot more than that.

Argh i always get myself in such confusing positions. Like the Bob and Jim scenario. That was so unbelivbly hard to decide what to do. I really hate the fact that since i am the listener in our friend group and im the one that fixes problems, because if im the only listener, who listens to me? It sucks because i never have a second oppinion on things, people always say " you will work it out, your good at this stuff" but im not so good when it comes to me. I confuse myself. But now that i have you guys, it helps me so much. You all have great opinions and i take them all in. Be sure to cmment me and tell me your oppinion on anything, advice is gratfully accepted aswell! Sorry this paragraph has been just rambling on about nothing. One day I will ramble for you if you like. It is quite a laugh to read when i ramble about nothing. And i mean nothing nothing. Its quite hilarios.

*yawn* Sleep is dawning on me right now. Im getting more tierd. I think I will listen to my ipod. Although that will consist of getting up and finding my headphones in my floordrobe. Mabey not, I will probably trip over something. I think i will go to sleep now. Be sure to cmment, leave some advice.

Goodnight Fellow Dreamers.
ciao xx